Highflying With Kids

Flying with kids can be very scary,
You have good reason to be wary.

Before you fly, be sure to pack,
And always remember to take a snack.

Carry only tiny bottles of liquids or gel,
Otherwise your life will be pure hell.

If you have a baby, take a bottle with a nipple,
Pack an extra for mum, filled up with a tipple.

To avoid having a total nightmare,
Don't forget the favourite bear.

Pack sensible toys for onboard fun,
Whistles, paints, party poppers, a drum.

Tell your children, especially your six year old son,
Not to pack his toy knife, nor his pretend gun.

Before you fly, you need to share,
The importance of wearing underwear. *

Mile high anal output travels at high velocity,
Resulting sometimes in a smelly and messy atrocity.

A spare set of clothes for all is an essential matter,
In case of unexpected poo, puke, spillage, or splatter.

Take plastic bags to contain garments that are soiled,
Otherwise your backpack will be smelly and spoiled.

DVD player comes out; kids' headphones go on,
There is no real reason why your voyage can't be bon.

Bribe the children with unhealthy treats,
If this keeps them in their seats.

Your offspring can run, but they can't get off the plane,
So let the other passengers help to share the pain.

As your cherubs have races up and down the aisle,
You can sit back, relax, drink wine, and smile.

On internal flights, don't expect food, unless you intend to pay,
If you're lucky, you might get a drink from the stewardess' tray.

Clean air is always extremely limited in supply,
From other passengers' farts, you may well die.

One day they may introduce an oxygen fee,
After all, on a plane, not much is free.

Passports are a must for all international flights,
As you board the plane, you waive your human rights.

Don't make the staff angry by being rude,
They have the advantage of superior altitude.

Don't forget you must eat up any fruit or vegetation,
Before you arrive and go through customs and immigration.

Never argue with the passport people, even if they are rotten,
You don't want your name down for an inspection of the bottom.

If customs ask, "Madam, do you have any vegetables, fruit, or trees?"
Just open up your jacket, flash your melons - "officer, only these".

* see the following, The Importance of Wearing Underpants

http://laughinthefaceofpms.blogspot.com/2010/06/importance-of-wearing-underpants.html